Who I Am
by WeLostTouch
Summary: Russia wants the other nations to better understand him so he decides to write an autobiography to share with everyone. He recounts his childhood growing up under the stern General Winter.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

To this day I do not know why the other nations cannot understand me. They think I drink too much even though it is common knowledge that everyone, whether Ally or Axis, have their drink of pleasure. They have their wines, their scotch, their beer, their sake, their burban... What is so wrong with my vodka? For some reason they think I am scarey. Even though I try to be friendly. I smile do I not? Should that not be enough? Maybe it is the way that I speak... But this is how I was raised speaking.

Perhaps this will explain everything. I will have to start from the before the great nation of Russia. When Ivan Braginski was only Ivan. Da... I will start then and hope that someday the others will understand.

I grew up in a world of cold and ice. With grey skies and white crust as far as the eye could see. On windy days, after a fresh snowfall, the wind would lift the loose white powder into the turbulent air creating mirages of wild horses, a frothy sea, or even an army of grey suited soldiers. This was my home; the only home I ever knew.

The landscape may have been barren, but I would not say it was a lonely place. There was my older sister and our guardian. My older sister was a sweet girl with short yellow hair and large blue eyes. She... was kind to me. Our guardian... He was a stern, weathered man with eyes like steel and hands as cold as death. He always told my sister and I, "We are a family. No one out there will give a fuck about you like I do." And it was true. We were a family.

xx

"Katyusha, Ivan, get out of bed you lazy brats."

A bucket full of slush began to tip above their heads. A groggy, young Ivan tried to roll out of the way, but rolled into his still sleeping sister. As the slush landed on them, it burned their skin with pins and needles jolting them awake. For a moment Ivan lost his breath from the sudden cold shock.

General Winter was standing in the door way of the rickety shack letting the morning wind enter freely. "It'll be light out soon, so go find something to eat if you want a breakfast. I expect you both to be ready for work in one hour."

The two children quickly stumbled out of bed and fumbled around in search for their coats. Once dressed, they walked past Winter in single file. Even though they avoided making eye contact, Ivan felt the man's heavy gaze on him. The feeling did not leave after he exited the shack; instead it intensified in the world of white.

"This way, Ivan." His older sister grabbed his hand and lead him toward a frost forest. Sometimes the could find small shoots with edible roots poking out of the snow. On hands and knees they brushed away the softer top layers until the ground was to frozen to claw at.

"I found one!" Ivan wrapped his little fingers around the young plant and began pulling. "It's stuck."

"I'll help you." She reached around him and wrapped her hands around his. The two of them pulled with all their might until the sapling's roots finally ripped loose and sent them both toppling over backwards.

"Ouch..." Ivan rubbed the back of his head as he sat up in the snow.

"Are you okay, Ivan?"

"No" he replied still rubbing his head. "Your flat chest didn't cushion my fall."

His sister's face turned bright red. "Ivan!"

"Winter says so too!" he defended while narrowly avoiding his sister's fist. "He says that you are so flat and tall, you might as well have been born a boy instead of a girl."

"Well at least I'm not a shorty like you." She crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue.

"I'm gonna grow."

"Yeah right!" she laughed. "You're going to be so small you'll get a step stool for your birthday even when you are old enough to grow your own beard."

"Not true, flat chest!"

"Is true, pipsqueak!"

_Gurgle..._

Ivan looked down at the uprooted plant in his hands. It was only the length of his hand from his finger tips to his thin wrist. With daybreak closing in on them, the chances of finding another was slim. He drew an imaginary line at the middle of the stem. "Heads or tails?"

"Tails."

He bit off the top half of the sapling and handed the rooty half to his sister. The taste left much to be desired. As his teeth mashed the tough stem, a bitter after taste filled his mouth.

Katyusha tugged on his sleeve. "We should head back now."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

He looked up from his writing when he heard the door creak. "What is it?"

"It's me, little Brother." The blonde woman stuck her head into the room. "I came to pay you a short visit."

"Does your boss know that you are here?"

She looked away with a nervous smile. "Not exactly… I left a note saying that I would be away visiting… I guess I may have forgotten to mention _who_ I was visiting."

He smiled. "Please, come in."

Ukraine half skipped over to her brother's desk. She leaned over the desktop and tried to read the upside-down papers in front of her. "What are you working on?"

"I was writing about when we were younger," Ivan stated as he straightened out his papers. "I thought that if the other nations knew about how I grew up that they would be able to understand me better and we could all get along and be friends."

"Oh…" She bit her lip. "I see…"

"Remembering our childhood has brought back some fond memories."

"Oh…" His sister looked up at him sheepishly. "We had our happy moments."

"Da." He could feel his sister becoming nervous as she continued to read his papers. When she looked back up at him, her face had lost its rosy color and her blue eyes widened. "Is there something wrong, Sister?"

"It's nothing…" She stood straight up and looked over at the door. "I just remembered how much gas money I owe you and how rude I am for showing my face without any money to give you. Please forgive my shamelessness. I will excuse myself and leave right away."

"You don't have to-"

"Goodbye, little Brother."

Before he got a chance to finish his sentence she had ran out the door; slamming it behind her. Alone once more, he simply smiled and returned to his writing.

xx

"You brats are late," the general yelled from a distance. The snow made their world deafeningly quiet, but somehow this man's booming voice could be heard from any distance. "I should have your skins tanned and use your bones as tooth picks after eating you up raw."

"We are very sorry, Mr. Winter," Ivan panted as he ran toward his guardian. "We came as fast as we could."

"Then you should learn to run faster." Winter dropped a heavy fist on each of their heads. "Today you will run laps until you can run faster than this morning. From here to that hill to back here until I think that you have become fast."

The siblings looked at each other nervously. Ivan knew that the longer he ran would only tire him out. Tired legs were slow legs and slow legs meant running longer. It was an impossible task, but he did not dare oppose their guardian.

"Why have you not started running yet?" Winter asked impatiently. Kicking up a wave of snow, he cursed under his breath as the two made a mad dash for the hill. Behind them he yelled, "Run faster you ground squirrels!"

The cold air stung his lungs and the wind made his eyes water, but he kept running. It was ties like this that he wished he was tall like his sister. Because of her longer legs, she was a faster runner than he was and could trudge through the deeper snow better than he could. As he tromped forward on a return trip from the hill, I van stepped onto a deep snow drift and sunk down to his waist.

"Are you okay, Ivan?" Katyusha asked as she backtracked toward him. "I'll help you."

"Did I tell you to stop running, girl?" General Winters voice roared.

"I'm sorry, General Sir." Katyusha cried a she resumed her course.

Ivan's eyes grew wide as Winter walked toward him with his stone face cracked by a permanent frown. He could feel his body with full knowledge that he was not shivering from the cold. Trembling, he struggled to pull himself up. When a dark shadow fell on him, he froze.

"You stopped running, boy."

Ivan tried to form an apology, but his tongue would not move. His heart pounded like crazy and his mind went blank.

"Well, aren't you gonna drag yourself out of that hole?"

With new urgency, Ivan attempted to pull his body up to little avail. Helplessness washed over him as his strength began to wane. He looked up apologetically at the man.

"Do you need my help, boy?"

Ivan managed to squeak a fearful, "Please, Sir."

_Thump!_

His head was spinning and his senses were jumbled. He felt himself being pulled free from the snow. Not knowing which way was up and which way was down, dizziness threatened to make him sick. Being suspended did not last long before he felt the sudden thud of landing on his back.

"Remember this, boy," the General's voice echoed in his ears. "Anyone offering you help will one day knock you on your ass. It is better to struggle and use your own strength to solve your problems. If you are not strong enough, become strong enough. Other nations will swallow you up if you give them the chance. Now run!"

Ivan fumbled to his feet and tottered forward. "Yes, Sir!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

He put down his pen. Something inside of him felt off. The memory was not painful, but stirred something in his chest. Scratching the back of his neck, he could not shake the feeling. Despite the abnormality, picked up his pen and continued on with his story.

xx

Completely out of breath, Ivan dropped on his hands and knees. With every heavy pant came a small cloud of white breath slowly drifting away in the wind. General Winter had already left for the day and light was becoming scarce.

"Are you alright, Ivan?"

He looked up into his sister's kind face. A warm flood of anger washed over him as he fought back a fit of rage. _Why had she not helped him? She was supposed to be the older sister and protect him..._ "I should keep running."

"It is enough, Ivan." She grabbed onto his arm. "Winter is gone now. You can stop."

"Let go of me," he said through gritted teeth. When she did not release her grip, he shook his arm violently. "Let go!"

"Please stop!" She held on tighter and used her body weight to anchor him down. Out of strength, Ivan glared at his sister as he once again sank to his knees in the cold snow. With a soft smile, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a thin sapling. "Look what I found for dinner. You can have this one."

Guilt pinched at his heart. _How could he accuse his beloved sister of not caring? Or was this a trap?_ Winter's words danced at the back of his head, but he nervously accepted her act of kindness. "Thank you..."

Katyusha's smile beamed. "Let's go home. It will be dark soon"

"Da."

That night, Ivan found it hard to sleep. His sister's soft breathing beside him kept him awake. He grasped her hand with fear thoughts of betrayal that loomed over him. No matter what their guardian said he did not want to believe his sister could someday turn against him. Unable to decide who he could trust, Ivan crawled out of bed and stepped outside into the night air.

Snow was softly falling from the charcoal sky. Despite the hardship that it brought with every snowflake, he could not help but admire the pristine, white landscape. The snow was pure and free of contamination. In a way it created a place of innocence as it blanketed everything it came in contact with.

Ivan blinked away a few white flakes that had landed on his eyelashes. The cold air drained whatever energy he had left making his eyelids heavy. With a long yawn, he returned to bed and curled up beside his sister. There were no dreams waiting for him when he closed his eyes; instead he found only a brief moment of warm peace.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The sound of the ax biting into the base of the tree echoed across the clearing. Today Winter had ordered them to collect wood to build a stronger fortress. Katyusha and Ivan were given one ax each and a length of rope to chop down the tall pines that were south of their home.

"Enemies can attack you at any moment," the General explained while taking a swig from his flask. "How do you suppose you can defend yourselves in a thrown together pile of shambles like this one?"

One, two, three... One, two, three... Ivan found some sort of comfort in the motions of hacking at the trunk. There was a release in the sound of the ax head making contact with its target that he could not quite understand. When the tree was weak enough, he pulled hard on the rope he had tied a little higher up on the tree's trunk until he heard a loud crack. He ran away as the tree came crashing down.

Ivan laughed as he too fell into the soft, powdery snow both sending up small waves of frosty white. Laying on his back -staring up at the sky- he smiled hardily. The sky almost looked blue today. Until a dark cloud appeared above him.

He jolted up onto his feet and stared absolutely terrified into the eyes of an enraged Winter. Ivan flinched as the man tightly grabbed his shoulder with unnecessary force. with his finger digging into Ivan's flesh, he asked with a snarl, "Tell me boy... Where is the girl?"

xx

_It's not like that was the first time my sister had disappeared. She sometimes left me alone with... a concerned guardian. Katyusha always came back though. Always._

_xx  
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Ivan sat alone in front of their home with a handful of snow pressed against his eye. Winter was inside their house drinking and waiting for when Katyusha would return. Even though he iced his eye early, Ivan could feel a shiner beginning to form as the lids started to swell shut.

The sound of crunching snow caused him to look up and see his timid sister waling toward him. She stopped a foot away and stood in front of the door. Quietly, before she walked into the shack in a voice that was hardly audible, she whispered, "I'm sorry, Ivan."

He cried. Nothing could drown out the sound coming from inside, so he cried. His sister was screaming. He screamed. Winter was cursing. He screamed louder. Boards were creaking. He begged it to stop. The wind died down. Snow fell. Beautifully cruel snow fell mocking them with its unchallenged purity. He cried.

Finally, Winter exited pulling the squirming girl out with him by her short blonde hair. He pulled Ivan up by his jacket. "You two are to stay together. If you are not fighting together, you fight each other."

Both of them looked at each other frantically. Neither knew what they were supposed to do. Fear seized a hold of Ivan's heart. _Was his fears from a few nights prior going to come true?_

In a deep guttural voice, General Winter barked his order, " Fight, you worthless pond scum!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Lithuania!" Russia yelled from his seat at the desk. Usually he was not the kind to raise his voice, but now was different. "Lithuania, come here now!"

It did not take long for the small brown haired man to enter his office with a meek look of concern. He was a shy, quiet man that always shook like a leaf in Ivan's presence. Cautiously, he asked in a quivering voice, "May I help you?"

"Vodka," was all Ivan replied in a blunt impatient tone. Toris knew that Russia meant that he wanted the drink right that instant. He left without a word and scurried to the kitchen.

The feeling in his chest was growing stronger as time went on and it was more off putting than he had expected. He felt the need to drown it in vodka and replace it with the warm, fuzzy numbness of alcohol. He needed it and he needed it bad.

xx

They grappled with each other in the snow while wrestling with their fear of hurting the other and their fear of what would happen if they disobeyed their guardian's order. Ivan knew that he was in the disadvantage. His sister was bigger, heavier, and stronger than he was. It was not long before he was laid flat on his back looking up into his frightened sister's face.

"You can still move can't you? Fight!" General Winter growled. "You aren't done until I say you are."

Ivan shook with fear when he saw his sister begin to draw back her fist. Instinct took over. He threw a handful of snow into Katyusha's face. While she attempted to wipe her eyes, he charged at her while ramming his shoulder into her stomach with a loud shout. He thought that he had her pinned until he felt her boot dig into his abdomen and launch him into the air. There was a short, dull pain from when his head hit the ground before everything went to black.

It was another dreamless sleep. A state void of feeling and sound. It was a terrifying peace. Then a suffocating panic.

Soon he realized that he had regained consciousness and was looking up at the ceiling above their bed. In a mental fog, Ivan could barely recognize the sound of his sister crying.

Turning his head took a lot more effort than he remembered; sitting up required even more than turning. Katyusha was sobbing while holding her knees close to her chest. It took her a couple minutes to realize notice that he was staring at her.

"I-van?" she managed to choke out through a sob. She reached out to touch his hand, but he quickly pulled away. "Ivan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He could not look at her. Her revolting tears disgusted him. The tremors that shook her body were enough to make him laugh in agony. His head was not what hurt him. Something in his chest tightened making staying indoors unbearable. Without a word, he stood up and approached the door. "I am going out for a walk."

"Ivan, don't go."

He was not listening. It was hot. What he wanted most was to walk out into the world of pure white comfort. The cold would kiss his cheeks and embrace him unconditionally. That was all he wanted.

"Ivan, wait!" Katyusha called as she followed him into the night. She took his left hand in her's. "Ivan, come back with me."

He slapped her.

"Do not touch me..."he said in a voice that was hardly audible over the sound of the wind. "I am fine, Sister."

Katyusha wrapped her arms around him and wailed into his chest. He was looking at her with a smile, but tears were steadily flowing down both of his cheeks.

xx

"Mr. Braginski," Toris greeted when he returned with a large bottle in hand. " I brought what you asked for."

"Leave it on the desk." Ivan pressed his forehead against the cold glass of the office's window and rubbed his temples in hopes of soothing a headache. "You may leave now."

"Sir... May I ask if you are alright?"

"I said, you may _leave_."

"Yes, sir."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

It was the taste of fire on his tongue. The feeling of the smooth liquid trickling down throat with every swallow. Like a woman's perfume, the scent of alcohol seduced him to bring his lips to the mouth of the tall bottle over and over again.

This is what he needed. Not wanted, but _needed_. Taking another deep swig and swallowing hard, Ivan sat back down in front of his work and contemplated whether he really wanted to pick up the pen. One more gulp gave him the courage to continue.

xx

Birthday celebrations were not ever easy to predict. Some years, the two siblings could get by with a day of peace and a few happy laughs, but more often than not it turned into an excuse for the General to drink all day while Ivan and Katyusha watched quietly from a corner. It was Ivan's turn for the year.

Winter arrived later in the morning than usual with several bottles of his favorite clear beverage. The siblings assumed that it would be another silent birthday. Little did they know that this would be the day that everything would start to change.

"Come here, boy," Winter commanded while cracking open the seal on one of the bottles. Ivan did as he was told to avoid a conflict. "Today you become a man."

Katyusha let out a small snort that went unnoticed by their guardian and tried to hide her smile. Ivan could not blame her. He was barely level with her shoulder while standing on the tips of his toes. There was no denying that he was unusually small for his age. _How could he be a man by any stretch of the imagination?_

"By your age, other nations have found their drinks of leisure. Wine for the French and Italian prisses. Germania's cocky brat already has a hardy appetite for beer. That bird brained bastard... But for you, you will have the drink of real men." He poured Ivan his own glass. "Vodka is a man's alcohol."

Ivan looked down at the water like liquid. If it had not been for the smell he would not have been able to tell the difference between the two. He looked to his sister for some sign of guidance. She simply shrugged and mimed the act of drinking. With General Winter staring down at him, Ivan pressed the cup to his lips.

_It tasted terrible..._

The General burst out laughing at the contorted face Ivan made. "Just a few cups of this will have most men knocked flat on their asses."

While Winter choose to drink straight out of the bottle, Ivan took small sips. As he neared the bottom of his glass, a warm fog filled his head. A little had gone a long way and it felt like his mind was swimming in a fish bowl. Blush stained his cheeks a bright shade of red.

"Drink up, drink up." The General refilled his cup until it threatened to spill in Ivan's shaking hands. "My generosity won't las long if you don't start to catch up."

"What about Katyusha?" he asked after another swallowing another mouthful. "Can't she have some?"

His sister fidgeted obviously uncomfortable with the idea. She pretended that she was distracted by a loose thread hanging from her sleeve. Winter also seemed non-enthused with his suggestion.

"Women should pour drinks only. It would be a waste of good alcohol if they were allowed to drink. Just the thought of it is ruining the vodka's flavor." The General spat a mouthful at Katyusha covering her in the foul smelling liquid. "Besides, their minds are too fragile and weak to enjoy it."

Half way through his cup, Ivan could no longer see straight. The room was spinning too much for his liking. Then his stomach began to betray him. He attempted to make it outside, but ended up falling over. His stomach contents spewed all over the floor.

"Done in already?" Winter picked up the spilled cup and poured more in it. Handing it to Ivan, he frowned. "You can't under the table anyone if this is your limit."

So Ivan continued to drink whatever the man handed him. Thus was the beginning of a long cycle of drinking then vomiting then drinking more. Eventually he was laying flat on his face no longer capable of getting up or moving on his own. His head ached as the smell of alcohol and vomit overrode all of his senses. He had never felt so sick in his life.

"Sir, please," his older sister begged. "If he drinks anymore he will die."

"He's only made it through a bottle and a half." The General lifted Ivan up by his shirt, and -much to Ivan's dismay- dropped him on the bed prompting his stomach to once again expel whatever it could. "There were still three more to finish."

"But Ivan can't take anymore. He is already so sick. Please let him rest, sir."

Winter set the remaining bottles in an unoccupied corner of the room. "He'll be too hung over to sit up tomorrow, so I'll come back in two days. He is useless to me if he is dead. Make sure that he stays alive until then."

When Ivan heard the door click shut, he let go of whatever consciousness he had left. He slept for hours, but when he opened his eyes he was exhausted. At first he attempted to get out of bed, however the feeling of rocks tumbling around in his skull put the notion out of his mind. Ivan reached to his forehead and pulled off a damp cloth. Katyusha must have been the one to take care of him.

She had fallen asleep beside him kneeling on the floor with her head resting next to his. He reached out to pat her on the head, but decided not to wake her. It was rare for them to be allowed to sleep in.

"Ivan..." Katyusha rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long," he responded in a hushed voice. "Where is Mr. Winter?"

"He isn't coming today, so get your rest."

"Da..."

xx

Ivan looked at the mostly empty bottle of liquor on his desk. Right now it was a symbol of many nights left alone with dark thoughts. It represented the times he had hurt someone he cared about while a prisoner to its intoxicating effects. He lifted the bottle and prepared to throw it... But he was too weak.

xx

Night fell after a calm day of relaxation. Katyusha had been asleep for a while now. Ivan stared at the ceiling unable to keep his eyes closed. His tongue longed for that terrible taste one more time. Slightly ashamed, he crawled out of the bed to where the vodka had been left untouched. Curling up in the corner, he willing accepted the fluid passed his lips and ran down his gluttonous throat. Katyusha would never have to know.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

General Winter did return the next day. He seemed to be in a fouler mood than usual. Without an explaination, he lead the two deep into the Southern Woods. Ivan was not totally free from the ailments of yesterday's hangover and found it difficult to keep up with the long strides of his guardian. Fianlly, after what felt like hours of wlaking they, entered a small frozen meddow.

"You will stay here," Winter said with his back to them. "Other nations will someday attempt to invade this land. I will be forced to instill them with fear of the cold. For the next week you are not to leave these woods. If you attempt to escape, I will shoot you."

Ivan did not doubt his words. Once he had seen the General carrying an impressive looking rifle in a particularly tough battle. It was a day that the older man painted the snow red with bullets and the sharp bayonet clipped to the barrel of the gun. Winter may not have been the most affectionate of guardians, but he defended their territory borders with the ferocity of a Siberian tiger.

"I won't hold back any strength in this next storm," the man continued. "There is even a chance that both of you may die."

It was then that he turned to face them. He had a stoic expression on his face, but as he walked past I van noticed the air had become considerably more frigid.

"Show me that all this time I spent training you hasn't been a total waste," was the last thing General Winter said before disappearing behind the treeline. Then there was only the faint breath of the wind.

"We should find something to make us a shelter." Ivan walked across the frosty meadow. "I'll find some branches for a lean-to. You should try to build us a fire."

"Will you be fine on your own?" Katyusha took a few following steps behind him. "We can gather more if we go together."

"No!" Ivan raised his voice a little louder than he should have. He turned and smile reassuringly. "It will be getting colder soon, and it will be harder to start a fire in the dark. It would be nice if we could have a fire to keep us warm tonight."

Katyusha looked concerned, but did not make any further attempt to follow. "Be back here soon..."

"Da."

Their shelter would have to wait. The thing that took priority was the secret he had hidden inside his jacket. When he felt he was far enough from the meadow, he pulled a glass bottle out of his inner jacket pocket. A nearby tree had a hollow carved by the elements in its lower trunk. It was just wide enough for Ivan to place the vodka in the narrow hiding place. To be extra cautious, he piled snow in front of the crevice for added camouflage. Satisfied that his buried treasure was safe, he toddled off into the woods to find materials.

xx

Young Latvia walked into the room with a bucket of cleaning supplies. When he noticed Ivan sitting at his desk, the poor nation jumped in fright and dropped his bucket.

"Oh, Mr. Braginski!" Ravis bent down to pick up his fallen supplies. "I did not know that you were in here. And drinking? I never would have come here if I had known you were drinking again. Too scary... Not that you are scary! It's just-"

The boy chattered on and on digging himself a hole with every word he spoke. I van was annoyed, but too preoccupied to punish the smaller nation properly.

"Latvia," he interrupted the other's prattling. "Do you know why I drink so much?"

"N-n-no, I don't."

"It's because alcohol does not freeze." Ivan sloshed the remaining vodka around in its bottle. "Today the pipes are frozen solid. We could try melting snow or ice, but that takes time and the water starts to freeze again if not kept warm."

"Really, I thought you were just a raging alcoholic, but that makes some sense."

Ivan sighed and rubbed his temple. "Get out of here before I decide to hurt you..."

The terrified country rushed out of the room with pail in hand. Chuckling at the boy's state of panic, he returned to writing his unfinished story.

xx

Three days had passed since they entered the woods, and Winter stayed true to his word. A storm was ripping its way through the land and leaving a thick blanket of powder in its wake. The two siblings were forced to spend most of their time weathering out the elements in a small lean-to. Every night, Ivan would brave the cold while his Katyush slept to make a trip to visit his secret treasure. He thought that he managed to avoid his sister's notice until the fourth night.

Ivan fountained the cold liquid into his mouth. There was about one third of the bottle left due to his careful rationing. He nearly choked when he felt someone grab his shoulder. Turning around, he expected to find the General, but instead met his sister's big blue eyes.

"Ivan!" Katyusha yelled to be heard over the sound of the wind. Obviously displeased, she pulled the bottle out of his hands. "I can't believe you! How could you bring such a thing?"

"Give it back, Katyusha!"

She held the drink out of his reach. "After this made you so sick, you are still drinking it. Ivan, I'm disappointed. You should know better."

"Winter says that it is okay," Ivan defended. "Give it back!"

"No! Winter is wrong. You shouldn't be drinking this. You know what happens whenever that man gets drunk. I don't want you to become like him. You are better than that."

"Give it back right now." Ivan clenched his fists in anger. "I'm fine, Katysuha. I'm not like the General. I won't be like him. Just give it to me."

"No." Katyusha threw the glass bottle against the very tree that had served as its vault. "Now it's gone."

He shoved his sister onto the ground. "Then I will go get some more from home."

"Don't do that." His sister wrapped her arms around him and picked him up. "You heard what Winter said. He will shoot you before you make it home. He will, Ivan. He will."

Squirming in her arms, Ivan tried to kick himself free. "What do you care? If I want to go, I will go."

Katyusha lost her balance and both of them fell over. The two struggled in the bone chilling cold until his sister had his arms pinned under her legs and was sitting on his chest. She made like she was going to punch him, but stopped her fist right in front of his nose. "I don't want to hurt you, Ivan... But I won't let you get yourself killed for something so stupid."

Ivan stared at her in heated silence. He hated how weak he was. "Fine, Katyusha. I won't leave the woods."

"Do you promise?"

"...Da."

"Swear it. Swear you won't go get yourself killed by Winter."

"I swear it."

The remaining three days were without words. Neither of them dared to exchange looks. That night burned hot in the back of Ivan's mind. A drift was slowly forming.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"Vodka!"

The sound of running feet could be heard from different corners of the house. Within minutes three Baltic nations crashed into the dimly lit study. Night was fast approaching -making it hard to see the subordinate nations' faces- but he imagined that they were contorted with justified anxiety.

Latvia was the first to speak. "Maybe you should rest for the day. I mean, drinking will only make your mood wor-"

Lithuania covered Ravis's mouth with his hand before he could make the situation any more dangerous. "What he means, sir, is that it is getting rather late."

"Deal with the boy, Toris." Ivan took the largest bottle out of Estonia's hand. "And bring me another lamp. I will be working late."

xx

Katyusha had disappeared again, but this time she left before Ivan got the chance to wake up. He was worried. The General despised deserters and lashed out at the first person he found. This was always Ivan.

He paced the floor unable to think of anything else he could do. It was not fair. _Why did he have to suffer for the decisions that she made?_ What she did was out of his control. It was not like he had the power to stop her. Katyusha was still stronger than him.

The sound of the door creaking as it opened made Ivan jump. He could not decide whether he should start apologizing or greet him as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Unable to make up his mind, he blurted out, "Sorry morning."

At first Winter stared at the frightened boy, but after scanning the otherwise empty shack he seemed to understand. "The girl has taken off again, hasn't she?"

Ivan prepared himself for the worst. Instinctively, he gritted his teeth and waited for the man's fists. However, what General Winter did next was a complete surprise that Ivan would never have dreamed of.

"Have a drink with me, Ivan. We will deal with Katyusha when she gets back..." At first Ivan thought that he had heard wrong. "There are still two bottles left? Why haven't you been building up your tolerance?"

It was true that the remaining two bottles had been left untouched. Not that Ivan did not want to drink the vodka; his sister had been watching him like a hawk since they had returned home. She would stay up late and wake up early to make sure that he did not go near the tempting bottles.

"I am sorry, sir."

The man handed him one bottle and kept one for himself. "Have a seat. If you puke again, I'm going to use your body to mop it up."

"Yes, sir."

The two of them sat mostly in silence; each of drinking at their own pace. Occasionally, the General would mutter something under his breath. Sometimes Ivan would watch the older man guzzle down the alcohol in consecutive impressive gulps. He was still only able to take small mouthfuls. Of course the General finished his bottle first, and as he swallowed the last few drops a new idea formed in his head.

"It's about time I taught you to shoot a gun..."

"What, sir?"

"You'll need to defend yourself in battle." The General shrugged off his rifle strap. "Right now you lack physical strength, so a rifle would be ideal."

Ivan shivered at the sight of the killing machine. He hesitated to reach for the dormant metal beast for fear that of being bitten. When he accepted it, there was no bite, no surge of power, the object simply lay dead in his hands. For a moment he marveled at the weight of the rifle. _Was it really so heavy? Or was he feeling the weight of the many lives that were taken by its fatal sting?_

"We'll start practicing with still targets."

Outside, the day had been dead silent without a breath of wind. It almost felt like a sin to disturb the peace, like screaming in a church or laughing in a graveyard. But they were here to interrupt the sacred quiet with the firing of bullets.

Winter helped him shoulder the gun and instructed him on how to aim. "When you pull the trigger, do so with only one intent. If your mind wavers, you will never make your mark."

Ivan's head was buzzing from the alcohol, but he manage to focus on a small tree. His heart was racing as he steadied his hands. Time slowed down as he squeezed the trigger. He fired.

"Well done!" General Winter slapped Ivan on the shoulder. The top quarter of the sparse tree lay on the ground beside its other three fourths. "A straight shot even with vodka running through your vains."

Ivan was dumbfounded. Genereal Winter was actually expressing pride in his actions, praising him. He did not know that it was possible to look at his guardian and smile. Together they finished off the last bottle and tested Ivan's marksmanship. It was a strange form of happiness.

Sadly, it could not last forever. Katyusha returned just before sun down as she always did. A nervous knot formed in Ivan's intestines. _What would the General do?_

Katyusha approached with her head hanging low in apology. Standing in front of their guardian, she grit her teeth, closed her eyes, and clenched her fists tight. "Good evening, General Winter."

Silence.

There was no wind. There was no words. The was no curses. There was no swinging fists. There was only a twisted smile on Winter's weathered face.

"Ivan, how many bullets do you have left?"

He swallowed hard to clear the lump that was lodged in his throat. "One, sir."

The General placed his large hands on the girl's shoulders. "Katyusha, go stand by the door. After Ivan takes his last shot, I will deal with you."

"Yes, sir."

When Katyusha was out of earshot and walking toward the shack, Winter knelt down beside Ivan. "This time you will be practicing on a moving target."

It felt like his heart would explode. Sure, Katyusha may have made him angry lately and left him to deal with General Winter whenever she went on her day trips, but she had laways been there for him. His finger rested on the trigger. Before he pulled, his sister glanced over her shoulder and made brief eye contact. She already knew what had been asked of him.

He held his breath and fired. It was a terrible shot. The bullet whizzed over his sister's head and pierced the front door of their home.

"Damn you, boy."

Ivan accepted the physical abuse. For some reason it did not hurt so much. Katyusha got hers as well. The moon had fully risen when the two were left alone laying in the snow.

"Thank you."

"What?"

"Thank you for not shooting me."

"I shot at you."

"But you missed."

"I was drunk, Katyusha. I probably couldn't hit the side of a barn."

"That's not true." His sister crawled over to where he lay. "I saw a few of your last shots. You could have killed me. Why did you do it? You knew that he would get angry. Why did you miss so blatantly?"

"Because I'm not him, Katyusha." He turned his head so he was looking right at her. "I told you that no matter how much I drink, I won't be him."

They beside each other in the cold silence for a little while longer. Ivan admired her calm blue eyes. Somewhere in the world, the skies were blue. One day, he would like to see them.

Katyusha unzipped her jacket and pulled out a pink scarf. "I know it is a little late to celebrate your birthday, but I will give you this."

Ivan sat up and looked down on the scarf. There was no other way to describe it other than pink. "Isn't this a little..."

"This is a magic scarf." Katyusha wrapped it around his neck. "If you wear this, some one will definitely come and help you."

He sighed and pulled the scarf closer. It was warm... and pink.

xx

Again, Katyusha left before morning the next day, but she did not return that day... or the next day... or the day after that. Eventually, Ivan stopped counting the days. He was abandoned.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

In the middle of the night, Ivan had drained the second bottle dry. His body felt numb, but something was hurting. No matter how much he drank the pain never dulled.

"But the story does go on, Ivan," He mumbled in attempt to encourage himself. "Because of the struggles of the past, Russia becomes strong."

xx

After years of practicing alone with General Winter, Ivan was rewarded with his own hunting rifle. His daily duties focused on running endurance drills and patrolling his territory. He used his patrols as an excuse to pick off a squirrel or the occasional rabbit. For the first time in memory, he had a decent source of food. As a result, Ivan had grown a few inches.

His clothes no longer fit right, so he had to wear one of the jackets that Katyusha had left behind. It was the only reminder that she had once lived with him other than the pink scarf that he always wore despite the ridicule he received from General Winter. Sometimes he wondered if he looked like his sister. They had the same short blonde hair, but her eyes were blue while his were a light violet. Winter often told him his eyes were proof of weak genes. Ivan did not want to believe him.

Today he ventured a little further from his usual patrol path to stalk the tracks of a snow hare. Ivan kept his eyes peeled and his ears strained for any sign of his prey. All was quiet until...

_Crunch!_ Quickly, Ivan turned around to face whatever made the noise with one hand reaching for his gun.

"Wait!"

Ivan froze. Standing only a few yards away was a boy with shoulder length brown hair and deep blue eyes. The boy smiled when he looked at Ivan.

"Where did you come from?" the boy asked casually.

Ivan pointed toward home unsure whether the delicate looking boy could pose a threat or not.

"Eh? Isn't that place always in the middle of winter? Isn't it hard to live there?"

The boy must have been talking about General Winter's icy defense. He supposed that to outsiders it would seem like a curse rather than a blessing. Life was difficult, but his training made the cold days and frigid nights no more than a day to day annoyance. It did no matter to him. Ivan shurgged his shoulders.

"That scarf... It makes your eyes look violet."

Ivan frowned. He had come to hate his eyes wishing they were a more natural blue color like everyone else seemed to have. For them to be mentioned in the same sentence as his precious scarf put a foul taste in his mouth. This ignorant smiling person before him, he would decide to hate him.

"Are you strong?" Ivan asked, his voice barely over a whisper.

"Excuse me?" The strange boy cupped his ears and leaned forward. "I couldn't hear you."

"Are you strong?" he asked a little louder.

"Not really... On my own I can't do much, but I have a friend now. We help each other."

Friend... That word was taboo. Winter had always warned him about the dangers of having friends. _"Anyone offering you help will one day knock you on your ass. It is better to struggle and use your own strength to solve your problems. If you are not strong enough, become strong enough. Other nations will swallow you up if you give them the chance."_

"You should become our friend too. That way we can work together and make things easier for all of us."

_It must be a trap..._ Ivan gripped the strap of his rifle. "Where are you from?"

"I am Lithuania." The boy reached out his hand to offer a handshake. "You can call me Torris though because we are going to become friends."

Anger was boiling Ivan's blood. He detested the boy's ability to smile so easily while trying to deceive him _One day I will take that mocking smile away._

"I will not be your friend." Ivan replied with an equally deceptive smie. "Not now."

"Why not?" Lithuania looked wounded.

"Because I am not strong enough. One day I will become a large, strong nation. Then I think we can become friends." This was not entirely true. Ivan had no desire to be friends with this person. "I must go now."

"Wait!"

Of course Ivan did not listen. He had reached his limits and feared that if he stayed there that he may start a war. Putting their meeting behind him, he resumed his hunt hoping that his prey did not get away.

By the end of the day, he had shot two snare hares. The General usually took one for himself, so Ivan was relieved that he would have enough for his own dinner. As he roasted his meal, he thought of what it would take to become stronger. Winter made him train daily, but the results so far were not very impressive. He decided that he would do extra training on his own time to supplement his growth. After all, there were nations to be conquered.

xx

Ivan set his pen down and looked at the scarf sitting on his shoulders. Over the many years, the pink color had become muted. He pulled the nearly beige colored article off and set it on the desk in front of him. His neck felt exposed without its warm companion. It really was a terribly cold night.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Some chapters in life are shorter than others. After Katyusha left and the encounter with the foreigner, time melted into a river of years. All that consumed Ivan's thoughts was gaining power. For this goal he endured everything Winter threw at him, but he never felt close to achieving his mission.

"How many years have I wasted on you?" Winter had entered one of his moods again. Ivan did his best to ignore it and drank some more from his clear bottle. "Honestly, you must be the most worthless piece of shit I have ever offered to train. How many times have those savage Mongols ravaged your borders in the past? And now the powers in the West are uniting and growing stronger every day."

"A boy with a gun can only do so much." Years of being alone with the General made him bold enough to talk back to his guardian... Or maybe he just did not care enough to avoid the beatings anymore. He pressed the mouth of the bottle against his lips and savored the cold sting of the vodka running down his gullet. "A barely armed boy and a cantankerous old fool could hardly strike fear into any nation with half a head on their shoulders. Even eunuchs would laugh."

"That drink makes you too brave, boy." The General glared down at him while drinking from his own flask. "There is a thin line between bravery and stupidity."

Ivan sighed and his warm breath rose visibly into the night air like the final wisps of a snuffed out candle. "No doubt you would know from experience."

He had crossed the line with that one. Winter grabbed a fistful of his jacket and lifted him up until their noses touched. His sour breath was enough to make the youngster's stomach to riot. Steel grey eyes bored delved deep into violet pools. "I have half a mind to pummel you out of existence."

"Then do it," Ivan challenged. "If I'm such a worthless piece of shit, then get rid of me. Stop wasting your time."

The older man shoved him against the frozen ground dangerously close to the fire pit. Spitting out curses, General Winter pounded his weighty fist several times into Ivan's stomach. He rolled to the side and vomited what little food and strong liquor he swallowed earlier. Winter towered over him with murder in his eyes.

"You disgust me, boy." He spat on the still gagging child. "I respect the man who doesn't fear his own mortality and laughs in the face of death... But you are a brat barely entering his rebellious stage, hardly an adolescent. You have yet to know what it means to die. Until you are lying in a lake of your own blood, gasping for air, wondering if this breath will be your last or the next one, you have no right to ask for death. Until then, you are just a scared brat either too lazy to find a reason to fight or running away from the cards life dealt you."

Ivan stared daggers at the an, anger burning his cheeks red. "I a no coward."

"Then you really are a worthless shit." The General stamped out the fore bathing the both of them in the dark of the night. "You will always be a worthless shit if you keep crying for an easy way out. Without a reason to become strong, you never will become strong."

Ivan counted the sound of crunching foot steps until they disappeared with their owner into the forest. Once again he was alone. Alone with the merciless night sky. The isolation was enough to make him want to wretch. He cried and clawed at the white crust around him. Ivan knew he was too old for tantrums, but the loneliness ripped through his chest and tore up his insides causing him to fall into hysteric fits. Soon his voice had left him to silently curse God with inaudible swears. His strength was the next to fail him.

The night was remarkably still. No wind stirred or creature moved. Ivan held his breath in attempt to sink into the silence more deafening than the thundering of cannons. He nearly suffocated in the horrible quiet.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

A ghostly wail broke the spell. Ivan sat up and scoured his surroundings for the source of the interruption. His eyes adjusted to the gloom around him, but he saw nothing.

"Waaaah, ah, wah!"

The noise came from the West. Ivan turned toward it. "Who is there? Show yourself."

"Waaah..."

The wailing was growing weak. Crawling on his hands and keens, he edged closer until he found what was crying under a snow laden tree. "My word! This is..."

His hand stroked the soft cheek of the infant. Its skin felt unbelievable war against his own. He gently lifted the babe out from the snow unsure whether it was real or his lonely ind playing a trick on him.

"What are you doing here, little one?"

The infant looked at him with crystal blue eyes that reminded him of his older sister. Thin wisps of fair hair covered the babies head. He look at the single layered wool dress she wore with a sad shake of his head.

"Those clothes won't be enough here, little one." He pulled the little girl to his chest and pulled his coat around the two of them. "You would have become a frozen doll by sun up if I had not found you."

The baby cooed and nuzzled closer to him. She smiled at him and something in Ivan's chest moved. He started to walk back to the shack he lived in, taking a slight detour to retrieve the unfinished bottle left by the cooled fire pit.

"Don't you have a family, little one?" he asked while pushing the door open. "Don't you have someone that will take care of you?"

The baby answered with a deep yawn. Ivan laid her down on the bed and swaddled her in the only blanket. She dozed off with a serene expression that was completely unaware of the cruelty that existed in the world.

"You really do remind me of Katyusha. She is my older sister. When she is asleep, she looks like nothing in the world could harm her. Her eyes are blue like yours too."

Ivan could not believe how small she was. So defenseless and fragile, yet so care free. He envied her ability to sleep so soundly in a stranger's home.

"If... If you have no one to protect you, I could protect you." Ivan smiled. "We won't be friends. Those come and go. You and I will be a family. You the little sister and me the big brother. Family stays together and protects each other and cares for each other. Yes, we will be a family."

xx

Ivan awoke to the sound of creaking floor boards above head. Morning barely traced a bright thread across the distant horizon, reflecting off the glass lamp that had long run out of oil. The servants of the house would not moving about this early in the day. That only left one person that could be stirring.

"Natalia must be home."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

It was not as if he did not like Natalia that he locked the door of his study. He surely loved his little sister. It was just that the way she showed her love for him was unsettling if not downright terrifying at times. Saying that she would one day be her big brother's bride was cute when she was younger, but now the joke had gone too far. After securing the chain bolt at the top of the door, Ivan sat back down at his desk. Breakfast could wait a couple more hours.

xx

Ivan was older now, stronger. General Winter had been right. Now he had a reason to become strong- protecting the baby girl he named Natalia- and his strength did grow. Protecting the girl meant that her first lesson was to never cry in the presence of the General. Winter was not too fond of the idea of letting the infant nation stay, but eventually he brought a goat so that she would have milk to drink. They ate the goat once she was old enough to eat solid food. It was delicious.

One day, Ivan was stalking through the woods- hunting for dinner- when he found strange tracks along one of his patrol trails. They were human; too small to belong to a man, but too large to belong to a child. Ivan thought back to the toddler left alone at home in her makeshift play pen. The tracks were headed toward home making his stomach knot up in worry. He ran along the path carved by the stranger's prints with his rifle in both hands. Then he could spot the stranger. First, he caught sight of their fair blonde hair. As he charged forward and the stranger turned around to face him, the second thing he noticed was her calm blue eyes.

"Katyusha?" he yelled as he threw his weapon to the ground and wrapped his arms around the young woman. "I can't believe it. I'm not really dreaming, am I?"

"Ivan?"

"Da, Katyusha." Ivan smiled. "It's me, big sister."

Katyusha stared at him and gave him a head to toe glance. Ivan did the same, stopping at her swollen chest. With one index finger, he poked her left breast to convince himself of whether it was real or not.

"Ivan!" She punched him right in the center of his chest. "What are you doing?"

"It looks like you've finally grown," he said with a chuckle as he rubbed the spot that was hit. Straightening up, he smiled broadly. "I've grown too, da?"

Ivan was a whole head tall than his sister now. For the first time in his life, he was looking down into those clear blue eyes instead of up at them. He felt his laughter rising up in his chest a second time.

"You really have grown." Katyusha looked away. "Has it really been so long?"

Ivan took her hand in both of his. "It hasn't been so long. You still remember the way home, don't you? Then it hasn't been too long."

Katyusha smiled. "Maybe you're right."

Hand in hand, the two walked to the home they once shared. Ivan dominated most of the conversation, chattering happily about how much the house had changed since she was gone. His smile broadened with every passing minute. "And when it isn't cold enough to freeze the pipes, there is running water. It makes it a lot easier to give Natalia a bath when there is running water."

"Who is Natalia?"

Ivan stopped and stared at his rifle. "That's right… I haven't found anything for dinner yet… There should still be enough stew left over for one more meal. Come on! I'll introduce you to Natalia."

He let go of his sister's hand and dashed ahead. Katyusha was huffing and puffing misty pants when they finally arrived. Their home had drastically changed over the past years. No longer a shack with four plank walls, the house now had one bedroom, a small front room- a wooden dining table and two chairs occupied most of the space- and a closet sized wash room. Ivan poured countless hours into renovating the place during his free time to give Natalia a proper home. General Winter often told him that he was spoiling the child and that a dog house would be more than fitting, but he would not yield. The only thing remaining from the old residence was the door with a single bullet hole.

"Did you do all of this?"

"Da." He grinned as she admired his craftsmanship. "I could not get my hands on glass for the windows, so I had to use muscovite. That aside, it's pretty impressive, da?"

Katyusha traced the bullet hole with one finger. "You couldn't have changed the door?"

"Eh? You should be praising me now. I worked really hard on this, you know."

"I'm sorry," she smiled softly. "You did a great job, Ivan."

He placed one hand on the door and pushed it open. "I thought that since this was the door that you left through, this would be the door that you would one day return through." He walked through the doorway and offered her his hand. "Welcome home, big sister."

She blinked at him and sighed. "You are being far too kind to me, brother." Katyusha accepted his hand. "I'm back."

Ivan's smile stretched from one ear to the other. He pulled her through the entryway and over to the shared bedroom. "Natalia, look who I found out in the woods."

Natalia was waiting patiently for her beloved big brother to return with the biggest, cutest eyes she could muster and clingy hands ready to grab his arm and never let go. She was no longer and infant, but the toddler was hardly knee high to her tall brother who seemed to grow taller each day. Ivan lifted her up into his arms and as he cradled her, Natalia snuggled close to his chest.

"Natalia, this is my older sister Katyusha." He smiled down at the little girl. "Say hello."

She turned her head and stared unimpressed at the stranger.

"Hello, Natalia." Katyusha reached out to pat the girl on the head.

"No!" the child screeched as she gripped her brother's jacket tightly, drawing even close to Ivan. "My brother! Mine, mine!"

Ivan frowned. "Natalia, calm down."

Katyusha laughed nervously. "It would seem that she doesn't like me very much."

"She just isn't used to you." He stroked his little sister's head to calm her down. "She will grow to love you. I just know she will."

The three of them shared a lovely dinner of left over stew. Natalia put aside he distaste for the unexpected guest with the distraction of being allowed to sit on her brother's lap while they ate. Ivan smiled and made light conversation while avoiding some of the more burning questions that he really wanted to ask his sister. Katyusha mostly listened and quietly ate her dinner. It was nice… Until the sun began to set.

Ivan eyed the window nervously. "Natalia, it is time for bed." He looked to the other sister. "I think it would be best if you stayed in the bedroom too, Katyusha."

"Why is that?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"General Winter will be arriving soon," he answered with a sad shake of his head.

"Winter," the tiny nation echoed, shivering a little as if she caught a sudden chill.

Katyusha paled. "You still _see_ General Winter? He is still with you?"

"Da…" Once again he made a sad face, but it lasted only a moment before the usual smile returned. "But you shouldn't be afraid. I'm strong enough to protect you now. I have protected Natalia all this time, so now I will protect you as well."

He led both of the girls into the bedroom. Tucking Natalia in, he kissed her gently on the forehead and promised that it would protect her from any bad dreams. She fell asleep within a few minutes leaving only Katyusha to worry about. Standing up from beside the bed, he stretched his arms.

"You can share the bed with Natalia. Usually I sleep there, but the bed isn't big enough for three, and at our age it would probably seem pretty odd." He placed a hand on each of her shoulders. "The General will probably only stay long enough for a drink or two, and then he will be on his way."

"You drink with him?" She did little to hide the disapproval in her voice. "Why on earth would you do that?"

Ivan sighed. "A lot has changed, Katyusha. We drink together every night now. It isn't that big of a deal. Just make sure that you stay in here. You know how he can be."

Katyusha bit her bottom lip. "I'm worried, Ivan. Why don't we just run away? All of us could just leave. We could leave Winter behind. Ivan, I've seen it; a place where the sky is blue. There are green field as far as the eye can see and song birds can be heard everywhere. It is warm there, Ivan. I even saw flowers that look like miniature suns. They grow in tall forests that look like a yellow ocean. Please, Ivan, let's go."

The front door groaned as it was pushed open. Ivan pressed a finger to his sister's lips. With sad eyes he shook his head and mouthed out the words, "I'm sorry."

"Ivan, please," his sister pleaded in a tearful whisper.

Ivan simply shook his head and walked out of the bedroom


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The door closed behind him with a light _thunk_. It would be his sisters' shield from their guardian's drinking. However, Ivan felt like a knight without armor whenever he drank with the man. He may not have been a dragon, but his anger was just as fierce.

"Good evening, General."

"And what's so fucking good about it?" the weather hardened old man responded as was his usual. "Is that snot brat asleep yet?"

"I just put her to bed." Ivan pulled out a tall bottle of vodka and took his seat across the table from Winter. "She is sleeping."

"Why you bother to put up caring for some orphan brat like her I will never know."

Ivan poured them both a glass maintaining his default smile. "But you have so kindly put up with me all this time."

General Winter snorted. "And a lot of good that's done me. You're just a living headache waiting to happen. Your only redeeming quality is that you'll one day become a man- although I question that sometimes- but that girl grows into a weak woman; a complete waste of time."

"Didn't you take in Katyusha before me?"

The man slammed his glass on the table with a loud bang. His nose wrinkled in disgust. "You dare waste your breath mentioning that deserter's name?"

"Forgive me, it was a mistake." Ivan sipped his drink thoughtfully. "But the two do have a similar appearance. Perhaps Natalia is Katyusha returned to us…"

Winter's frown deepened. "If that turns out to be true, I'll take her to the closest river and drown her myself."

The hair on the back of Ivan's neck began to prickle up. He had hoped that the General's anger would have diminished over time, but it was clear that Winter was not about to forgive his sister's deserting anytime soon. Afraid that his guardian would remember his statement when he was in a more drunken state, Ivan tried to back track for Natalia's sake. "I'm sure I am wrong. Natalia is so small. Kat- … The other girl was always so tall and boyish. Natalia is much more loyal as well. She can't stand the thought of us being separated."

"Women are treacherous creatures," Winter spat. "They come to men as weak and defenseless then they stab the man in the back once they gain his trust. All they are really good for is a quick fuck. Is that why you keep the whelp around? You planning to fuck her later?"

Ivan could not help but spit out his mouthful of vodka. "Of course not! That's sick!"

"Here I thought you might have a pair." He drained his cup and refilled it. "A boy your age should want a girl in his bed by now."

"Natalia is my little sister!"

"Adopted sister."

"She is hardly old enough to be called a child!"

Winter shrugged. "A whore is born a whore. A whore is a whore at any age."

Anger flooded Ivan's body, making it hard to maintain his default facial expression. "Forgive me for disagreeing, but Natalia is not a whore."

"All women are whores, boy." Winter poured his third cup. "Remember that. Your bitch of an older sister is probably whoring herself around Europe to put food in her stomach. She never was good at anything. Probably some cheap fuck in a French whorehouse. Those pansy bastards will fuck with anything that will spread its legs for them."

Ivan's smile faltered. He could not keep his body from shaking. It was unbearably hot in the small dining room. "You're wrong…"

"What did you say, boy?"

"I said you're fucking wrong. My sisters are no and never will be whores!"

General Winter stood up from his seat and glared down at Ivan. "I don't think I heard you right. Want to try saying that again?"

A normally even keeled Ivan would have recognized the tone of danger that saturated the older man's voice and dripped from every word, but tonight Ivan ignored the warning signs. He decided to wake the dragon. "Perhaps your hearing is failing you in your old age. I will say it again really clear for you. You're fucking wrong."

XX

_Knock, knock, knock…_

Ivan's heart stopped when he heard the gentle rapping on the study's door. He knew who he was before the cool voice on the other side called to him.

"Big brother, I know that you are in there."

He contemplated whether he should respond or not. Depending on her mood, Natalia could be scary beyond words or a manageable dose of terrifying. She could also be rather sweet, but that more often than not would end in Ivan fleeing at a speed that even a certain Italian would find difficult to achieve.

"Big brother, may I come in?"

His little sister sounded tired. Deciding it was best to let her in while she was asking nicely, Ivan unchained the door. "You may come in."

Natalia looked exhausted. Dark circles made her usually pretty eyes look dull. It would appear she had not slept the night before. Sitting back in his chair, he gave his sister a head to toe glance. She still had light dusting of snow in her hair.

"Why are you here, Natalia?" He tried to offer her a sympathetic smile. "Were your travels fair?"

"I traveled straight through the night. I only just arrived a short time ago…"

Ivan furrowed his brow with concern. "Is there something wrong?"

She looked down and played with her fingers. "I just had this feeling that… that you were having a bad dream."

He sighed to himself. Even when she was little, she would know exactly when his mind was plagued with dark thoughts. "You shouldn't trouble yourself over such things. I am not one to be bothered by things that crawl around in the night."

Natalia sat down on the corner of his desk moving aside two empty bottles. "Of course I would worry over you. I would be a terrible wife if I did not comfort my husband."

Ivan twitched a little bit. He knew better than to expect the topic not to turn to marriage. Rubbing his forehead, he let out a troubled sigh. "How many times do I have to tell you we cannot get married? That is incest and gross."

His sister frowned, but did not argue back. She was probably too tired from her night's journey. After a quiet pause she responded with a soft voice. "Sometimes I wish we were not brother and sister… At least not by blood…"

A lump formed in his throat. They were not related by blood, but he could not tell her that. Although he hated lying to her, he knew he could never see Natalia as anything other than his precious little sister. He could not return her feelings. Standing up, Ivan hugged the smaller nation kissing her gently on the top of her head. "Please say such things, dear sister. It breaks my heart to hear you say those words."

A light veil of blush graced Natalia's cheeks. She slowly nodded her head.

"You must be tired, da? Have Toris find you a room to rest in. When you wake and have freshened up, we shall dine together."

She looked up at him with dreamy blue eyes. "Really?"

"Da."

With a small smile she failed to hide Natalia shuffled out of the study stopping only to say over her shoulder, "You better not be lying."

XX

Ivan's ribs ached. In the morning, there would be long purple blue bruises running from as high as his collar bone down to his hips. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. He still was not strong enough.

"Ivan…" Katyusha's voice was quiet and scared. Tears collected at the rims of her eyelids. She carefully brushed his hair out of his face. "Please, Ivan… Let's leave this place and not look back."

"I can't," he answered, wincing as the cut on his lip opened wider.

"Why not?" she demanded.

"Because, I'm not strong yet. I can't protect either of you like this."

Katyusha slapped him making his head spin. Her tears were finally falling down the sides of her face, but she frowned at him. Frustration strangled her voice. "I don't want to be protected if it means you getting hurt like this!"

Ivan scowled as he sat up. _This pain was nothing. He could manage it. It was not too much for him. There have been worse days._ "You should go to bed first. I will clean myself up before sleeping."

"Let me help you."

Her hand reached for him, but he caught her by the wrist and shook his head. "I'm fine. You should sleep."

She made no attempt to follow him once he rose. When he finished treating his wounds, he found both of his sisters fast asleep on the bed. Ivan could not help but smile. This was his family, his most precious treasure. Ivan thought that he die happy right then, and in the morning he wished he had. Waking at the first hints of daylight, he found the house empty. Not a trace of either sister remained.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Ivan stared outside the study's window into the approaching day. Solemnly, he drew the curtains together with a tug closing out the unwanted light. With trembling hands Ivan relit one of the lamps from the night before and poised himself on the edge of his seat. He was about to write the darkest chapter of his life. The warmth of the morning world would not reach him now.

XX

_Alone. He was alone again. All alone…_

"He couldn't have."

Ivan ran out into the gusty morning air. Harsh snow bit his face and stung his eyes. He sheltered his ears from the howling wind. The General was still angry about the last night. Blizzards could freeze a man solid without mercy; the weather forced Ivan back into his house. Leaning against the door and listening to the hiss of the storm, he let him slide to the ground.

"What happened to them?" He bit his lip nervously and reopened the wound on his mouth. "He wouldn't hurt them, would he? How could he even take them without waking me? One of the would have screamed to wake me… Wouldn't they?"

_Unless they left you._

"No!" Ivan slammed his fist into the wall. "We are a family. Family stays together."

_You've been left before._

"She came back. Katyusha always came back."

_How long was she away the last time she abandoned you? How many years did you spend waiting?_

"She came back." Ivan's words were barely an audible mumble.

_Maybe it's time for you to learn to be lonely…_

Nothing could spur him to move from his spot on the floor; not the frigid air, not the feeling of gnawing hunger eating at his insides, not the sounds of muscovite windows cracking from the force of the blustering winds or the creaking of boards as the house tried its best not to blow away. His body shook with grief, but no tears would fall. Loneliness soaked deep down into his bones causing his breath to rise in wavering clouds of warm mist. It hurt more than any beating he had received, a pain that quaked him at his very core. He was alone with only self-doubt to console him.

The storm raged for three days. Winter's wrath was quieted on the fourth day and the man responsible for the blizzard paid him a visit on the fifth day. A strong shove pushed the door open an nudged a collapsed Ivan out of the entry way.

"Get up, boy."

Ivan did not respond.

"I told you to get up."

Still Ivan did not move.

General Winter was never one for patience. The man pulled him up by his collar. "Are you fucking dead?"

Dull violet eyes stared lazily up at the man. Winter let him fall back down with a heavy thud.

"You're still breathing." There was a hint of disappointment in the remark. "If you aren't dead, pick yourself up. It's time for your patrol."

Ivan sat himself up, but made no attempt to stand.

"You're legs don't look broken. Move your ass."

"Where are my sisters?" His voice was hoarse from lack of water.

At first Winter was confused, but when he did not see or hear any sign of Natalia his lips twisted into a sour smile. "So the whelp left you too, did she?"

Ivan grabbed the General's calf and dug his nub fingers as deep into the man's flesh as he could. "What have you done?"

"I haven't done a thing," he sneered. "As much as I'd love to have dragged that girl out of here screaming, I haven't touched her. Looks like she took after your sister after all."

He released his grip. For some reason he could not help but believe those words. After all, there must be a reason his older sister kept leaving him. It must have been his fault. He could not protect them from General Winter, so they left. That must be it.

"Stand up and start your patrol. Without the girl to weigh you down I expect you to work twice as hard."

His movements were stiff and sluggish, but he rose to his feet. A small spark was lit behind his eyes. He had come to a decision. Behind him he left shelter to enter the corrupt land of ice and snow. _Yes, he would have to get rid of General Winter_. Then his family would be safe.

It would take time. Today he was too weak from hunger and thirst. He would also need a plan if he were to overpower the battle hardened veteran. Now he would bide his time before striking.

While winter tried to make his life miserable, Ivan studied his opponent. He learned the General's left arm was rigid from an old battle wound. His jaw was broken twice from either war injuries or drunken brawls. Ivan assumed it was the latter. When he was forced to patrol for hours on end, he studied his surroundings. There were two possible escape routes. North meant death by freezing. East led to being trapped as soon as he reached the sea. South led to the land of the Mongols. In the past his borders were ravaged by southern invaders, but they had stopped for some time now. I may be safe to flee south. Europe was in the west- a place known for its many empires and countless wars- and was the direction he suspected his sister's had traveled. In the end he decide to go south before turning to the west in hopes of throwing off the General if he pursued. The time he spent awake in the night was choreographing the fight step by every possible step.

As of late he would stay awake and plot how he would make his guardian suffer. He would dream of the man's face freezing with the expression of agony carved into the deepest wrinkles of his brow. Laughter caught in his throat as he imagined standing over the broken Winter and commanding him to leave and never return. The smile on his face was all in practice for that moment of triumph. Without him noticing, his heart began to stir with crueler dreams every day.

"I could shoot him in every joint and watch him wither in the crimson snow," he thought out loud while lying in his bed. "That way I won't have to leave right away. I could enjoy the sound of him screaming profanity in vain. Or perhaps I'll show mercy and put him down with one shot between the eyes like the old dog he is."

_The General is good with guns. He taught you after all._

Ivan frowned. "Then I'll have to beat him into submission. I will take his arms and twist them so far backwards that the sound of them ripping from their sockets echoes in the night." He shivered as he tried to imagine what type of sweet noise it would make. "I am strong and young after all."

_But General Winter is also strong and has had more experience in fighting._

Ivan pouted. "Then how can I break that ugly face of his?"

That was when it came to him. The memory of hacking away at the base of a tree with the biting sound of metal ax on splintered wood. Just remembering the feeling of swinging and hitting raised his spirits. "As pay back, I could hack at him once for every beating he ever gave my sister and I. Da that would serve him right."

_Then you break every bone in his body. Imagine how the ax will feel cracking chopping through his flesh._

Ivan laughed himself to sleep. He anxiously waited for the next evening to come. Tomorrow he would spring the trap on the oblivious target. Part of him almost wished that Winter was at least a tiny bit suspicious of what he was planning. _Then again, it might be more fulfilling to see the look of shock on that stoic face._

The next day when winter sent him out on his patrol, he entered the woods and hunkered down to conserve his energy. He would need all of his strength once the game started. After Winter left the yesterday, Ivan hid extra food in an old familiar tree trunk with a thin hollow that was easily covered to conceal his hidden treasure. When a hare stumbled upon his hiding place, he made sure to shoot it. Bringing the meat as a peace offering would serve as a distraction. They always cooked meat outside over a fire while they drank their feel and the fire pit was next to wood pile where the ax made its home. It did not feel long before the light that filtered through overcast skies dimed low signaling that it was time to return.

He found the General standing where he always stood. Back facing him as if to tempt him. He did not bother to turn around when Ivan approached. "I've caught a hare, sir, and the vodka is calling."

"Did you now?" he said in his usual flat unimpressed tone. He never praised Ivan when he brought back food, but he certainly ate his "share" of the hunt. "Light the fire and bring the bottles."

Ivan let out his routine sigh and did as he was told; first he lit the fire and then returned to it with two bottles of clear liquid in hand. He handed Winter the bottle in his right hand and pressed the one in his left hand against his lips. As the hare roasted, the two drank in stranger's silence. It was a good thing that Ivan had grown accustom to always smiling because his trap was already in motion. General Winter's bottle contained vodka like it did every night, but the bottle that Ivan held close to his body was filled with only water. Winter might have been a mean drunk, but drunken men were a hell of a lot worse at fighting than when they had their wits about them. Or so Ivan hoped.

Once the meat was picked clean off the bones and each had drunk more than half of their beverages, it was time to acquire the weapon of choice. He stood up holding his bottle by the neck and addressed his unsuspecting victim. "I've got to take a leak."

"Don't expect me to hold your hand. Just go and piss on the wood stock."

_It's almost too easy._

And so Ivan did as his caretaker told him. He kept the man in the corner of his eye to make sure he couldn't see him pick up the waiting ax. As he crept back toward the man, his heart began to beat in his ears like the sound of horses' hooves beating the ground in full gallop. Ivan held it over his head prepared to bring it down on the General's head.

Or so he thought it would go. Before he could swing down the heavy ax, Winter punched the side of his knee while the ax hovered overhead. Ivan did not know what happened until he was fumbling to stand in the snow.

"You think I can't smell your killing intent over the smell of alcohol, boy?" General Winter wrenched the ax from Ivan's hands. "Should I give you what I assume you were going to give me?"

Ivan crawled backwards in attempt to distance himself from the now armed, drunk, and pissed off General. Winter advanced on him swinging the ax around without really aiming, but coming close to hitting Ivan on a few occasions. Then Ivan felt to back wall of his home against his back. There was nowhere to run and the ax was still coming closer. The only thing close to him was an outdoor water faucet that was frozen solid ninety percent of the time. He had no other options though, so he reached for the metal pipe and pulled as hard as he could.

To both men's astonishment, the proof of the pipe pulled loose was the sound of metal on metal echoing. The vibrations from the clash combined with the effort needed to remove the pipe from the frozen earth made his arm feel like it was ripped to shreds. For a moment, the two locked eyes, haunting violet versus deadly grey.

"You mean to fight me, boy?"

Ivan answered by knocking back the ax head and standing up. He applied heavy pressure trying to push back his opponent. If he stayed there with his back against the wall, he would not stand a chance. The only shot at victory was in the open where he could dodge and parry. There was an onslaught of metal against metal as they both fought on. One well placed blow would have enough force to kill. This was no longer training.

Finally, he managed to break the ax head off of its handle. Taking his opportunity, Ivan hit the spots he had marked as Winter's weak points. The sound of cracking bone filled his ears as one swing made contact with the General's left arm, but second swing only grazed the forehead. He left himself too open though, and the general used his wood handle to land a solid side blow to Ivan's ribs. Then he was laying flat on his back gasping to breath.

Like a black mountain, the General stood over him with blood dribbling down from his brow. The man's arm was bent the wrong way and looked as if the wrist was shattered. However, it did not matter what shape Winter was in. He was the one standing over Ivan ready to land the final blow at any moment. It caught Ivan off guard when the man cast away his weapon.

"You're finally a man now, Ivan Braginski."

Ivan could only blink up at the man. _His was lying in the snow wondering if he was going to be able to breathe another breath, and Winter was acknowledging his full name?_

"From tonight on, you can take care of yourself."

_What is the bastard saying? Why is he just standing there talking?_

"I leave here knowing you've become a man ready to fight in the face of death. No matter how stupid it may have been."

If he could spare the air that was in his lungs, Ivan would have laughed bitterly. _I got your arm. At least acknowledge it hurts like hell._

"But if I hear you've turned back into a worthless pansy, I'll be back to kick your ass so hard you'll think you were just fucked by an elephant."

And that's when Winter turned his back and walked away. Ivan let tears freely fall as his lips formed a tight smile. He was not crying from the pain- even though he was sure a few ribs were broken. General Winter was gone, and he was finally strong.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

His journey to find his sisters had to wait until his injuries healed. Luckily, General Winter did not return. He spent his days resting in bed drinking vodka to dull the pain. When he was able to walk long distances, Ivan set out toward Europe.

Finding Katyusha was not as difficult as he thought it would. She had her own country to live in and protect. Their reunion was brief, but his sister welcomed him with open arms. Katyusha helped Natalia establish her own place as well just north of her own home. Ivan would be able to visit her…

XX

The pen finally stopped writing. In front of him –written in his own black lettering- was his story. Ivan's heart could rest easy knowing the difficult part was over. He slipped the pages into a large envelope and sealed it with his personal stamp.

Stretching as he stood, Ivan placed the envelope inside his inner jacket pocket. The house was quiet as usual, but he knew that he could find Toris working in the kitchen at this time of day. Announcing his presence by clearing his throat, Ivan still managed to startle the smaller nation.

"Mr. Braginski," Toris squeaked almost dropping a sauce pan he had been washing. "I did not see you there. May I help you, sir?"

"My sister, Natalia, has been given a room, da?"

"Yes, sir."

"When she wakes, we will be dining together. Bring her to the terrace when she is ready. We will take our meal there."

"Yes, sir."

And so Ivan waited for his younger sister in the open air of the terrace. The world was white and grey, ice and snow, wind blowing loose powder up into the air to create a restless foamy sea, and though it appeared barren it was not lonely. It was the world that his family formed.

"Hello, big brother. Have you been waiting long?"

Natalia sat across from him with her back to the view opting instead to stare at her brother. She looked much better after gaining some sleep. He offered her a thin smile. "Not at all. Did you sleep well? I trust that the room was satisfying."

"Yes," she answered while fiddling with her hair. "I slept well."

Toris approached with two large plates holding a balanced mix of breakfast and lunch on each. Ravis followed behind him with a pitcher of warm cider. The two nations set the table and left when Ivan waved them away.

"Natalia, I have a favor to ask you," he said before either touched their meal.

"What is it, big brother?"

Ivan pulled out the large envelope from under his jacket. "When you leave today, would you please take this to be copied and sent to all the World Conference attendees?"

Natalia took the envelope and held it in both hands. "Of course. You can trust me with such a small task."

"This is a very important letter; please see to it that it is delivered properly."

"Yes, brother."

_At last, the other nations will be able to understand. Now we can become friends._

X End: Who I Am X

Natalia was practically skipping for joy down the snow crusted path clutching the thick envelope close to her chest. It was not often that her brother trusted her to run errands, so her heart was filled with happiness. She delighted in the fact that the envelope still smelled faintly of her brother.

"Natalia!" a voice from behind called her.

She quickly returned to her cool, composed demeanor before turning to address her caller. "Big sister?"

Katyusha came running toward her and almost toppled over when she came to a clumsy stop. She was panting heavily as she spoke. "You got that from Ivan, didn't you?"

Natalia quirked one of her brows. "Yes, he asked me to have it sent to all the member of the World Conference."

"You _cannot_ send it."

"…What?"

Her sister looked deeply troubled. "You cannot send that to the other nations. It will only end up hurting Ivan in the end."

"But, big brother trusted me to do this for him. Besides, I will protect him from anyone that tries to harm him."

Katyusha sighed. "You don't understand. Ivan blames his sad childhood on General Winter, but that isn't right. The letter is based on a lie he has told himself most of his life. If an enemy were to somehow find out the truth, they could ruin his reputation and who knows what would happen to his mental state."

Natalia began to feel nervous. Her sister's plea was so adamant. "What do you mean? What does General Winter have to do with anything? He leaves big brother alone now."

"I can explain." Katyusha placed her hands on Natalia's shoulders and looker her directly in the eye. "There never was a General Winter."

**X Hello and thank you for reading this to the end. Your kind reviews have been a joy to read. I apologize for all the horrible things I put little Ivan through. Chances are you are wondering what is with the extra text after the end point of "Who I Am." Well the extra was just my way of teasing you into reading my next piece "Who He Was." This will be the sequel– or maybe it is a prequel- to this piece from Ukraine's perspective that will better explain that last sentence she just said. I look forward to writing more for you to read. Once again, thank you for staying with me and reading my first fan fiction. X**


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